40 Days for Life

My Mom introduced me to this nationwide cause -
Today begins the first of 40 days of prayer for the end of abortion.
There are some incredible stories that have come to pass and many lives that have been saved...
I am constantly amazed at the power of prayer, and I think as believers, and especially as Catholics, we have a responsibility to join in a cause for the sanctity of life such as this one.

This is their website:
http://40daysforlife.com/splash.cfm

Here's the promotional video from 2007 when this started:

It's been one of those weeks...

This is one of my favorite Litanies by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val:

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

The best is yet to come...

Today I have officially been home for two weeks. WOW, that's hard to believe. I feel like I've been home for much longer, actually. Adjusting to being back in the States has had it's ups and downs, but for the most part, I thank God for how easy it's been. Everyday I miss Romania, and the children, and all of the friends that Katie and I made, but we are connected through our prayers for each other - I can feel it.

Probably the hardest thing I've encountered is when people ask me, "How was it?". Katie and I discussed this a little bit before we came home, because we experienced it last year as well. Those have to be some of the most frustrating words someone can ask. They are so well-meaning, and yet so vague and broad. How can I possibly sum up how "it" was in a few passing sentences? And at the same time, I don't want to sound like "it" wasn't life changing and just say "great!" Everything that I want to say falls so flat and sounds so shallow in my ears. I realize that I have a job here, now that I'm home, and my job is the second half of the story I started this summer. My job is to live according to what I learned, and to spread that knowledge to everyone I know. And so, I have spent the past few days trying to figure out how I can convey to people "how it was". I can only pray that God will give me the words to speak, and that maybe I can live in such a way that I don't even have to use words.

As "homesick" as I am now, I can't help but know that it was time to come home to the States. I believe that God was preparing me for something huge by what I lived and experienced in Romania; whether He chooses to take me back there or not. I have been changed - I still don't know why He chose me, but I cannot ignore Him, I can only respond,"Here I am, for you did call me." My Father has placed an indelible mark on my soul. I wait in anticipation for whatever He has in store.


You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul, You are my purpose
You're everything

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me, how could it be any better than this?

Home

I am home in Tennessee now. After two long days of travel, and next to no sleep, I have finally made it to my destination. I got in Friday night around 9:00, and finally got a decent amount of sleep last night. I think my jet lag is going to be next to nonexistent, which is a HUGE blessing. Today is Mary Faith's 16th birthday, so it has been lovely getting to spend so much time with my family.

Being back at mass this morning was like coming home all over again. I have missed it SO much. The gospel today was about the feeding of the 5000 from Matthew, and all of a sudden I was back in Romania. We taught that lesson at camp to our children! I was overjoyed to be able to hear it again. The whole mass was all about world hunger - God handed me a gift today - to be able to join my whole church in praying for the hungry around the world was absolutely beautiful.

I miss the children very much today, but they are in my heart and my prayers. Thank you to everyone reading this for your prayers and support while Katie and I were overseas this summer. Please continue to pray for the children, and all of the churches we were able to be a part of. As they say in Romania - "We are praying for you, and waiting you back." So please keep them in your prayers as well. Katie and I would love to be able to return next summer, but it all depends on what God has in store for us. Please know that I am humbled and immensely grateful for all of your support and prayers. We really could feel them while we were there, so thank you more than you know.

Day 56-58: Making the rounds

Katie and I are busily trying to wrap this trip up here in Reghin. We've been packing, doing laundry..LOTS of laundry:), and trying to spend as much time with our friends as possible. It is still a little surreal to think about going home in 6 days, but we really are!

Yesterday, we went fishing again - this time to a lake right outside of Reghin, and although the fish weren't nearly as active, we did still manage to catch quite a few to give to our gypsies. Speaking of gypsies, I fulfilled one of my unfulfilled ambitions today. I rode a gypsy horse!! The horse wasn't really used to being ridden, so the men stayed right beside me the entire time, because they were worried something might happen. So technically, I guess I didn't REALLY ride because I was well monitored. But for all intensive purposes - we're going to say I rode that horse, because I got on it's back and made it walk me around the field. :) Let's just say excited is an understatement. I was ecstatic.

The gypsies are excellent horsemen as well as business men. Most of the men in the village collect(because it isn't always honest buying in order to obtain the horses) horses and sell them to the highest bidder. The richest man in Apalina actually has connections in Hungary with people who buy his horses. As with most things these gypsies do, they are very passionate about their horses, and never turn down an opportunity to show one off. I was actually really surprised that they let me ride it(they actually let Katie,Tihamer,and Attila ride after me too) because I don't think they believed that I had ever been on the back of a horse(no matter what I said) and like I said before, this particular horse wasn't used to being ridden. But they love and trust Attila(and are beginning to do so with Katie and I, I think), so when he mentioned that I wanted to ride a couple of weeks ago, they offered and we finally had time today.

Katie and I went to our very last children's meeting in Apalina today. We will go to church there tomorrow to say goodbye, but this was probably our last time to see many of the children. I've been really proud of myself, because I haven't started crying yet - but I don't know how I will do tomorrow as we will go to all of our churches to say goodbye. I think honestly, it just hasn't hit me yet, and I'm still just kind of floating along, going through the motions without really letting it sink in. I'm sure at some point - maybe on the plane or after I get home, I'll realize it, and then God bless all those around me who have to deal with it. :)

I was reading through 2 Corinthians yesterday, looking for some verses to speak on tomorrow, and I came across these, which nearly jumped off of the page at me, because they so embodied the believers at Gornesti, Apalina and those who opened their homes to us in Reghin as well. I am humbled every time I think about the hospitality and generosity of so many people who didn't even know us before we came. People who have given so much of their love and time during our stay here in more ways than just feeding us. We have best friends here and we have a family here with our brothers and sisters in Christ from Gornesti, Apalina, Reghin, Filpisu Mic, and all over. So many people have gone out of their way to make sure that we were taken care of physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. To even begin to try to thank them is going to fall so short of what they've done for us, but I am praying( and I ask you to do so as well), that God will speak through me tomorrow as I try to convey in some small way, just how grateful I am.

"This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you." ~ 2 Corinthians 9:11-14

Day 48-55: Gypsy Camp

We arrived back from camp in Sibiu this afternoon. I think we are all exhausted and a little relieved that camp is over haha. It was so much more work than I expected. Obviously, I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park, but I thought after having done this once before, surely it wouldn't be that bad. :) Wow, was I in for a surprise.

The children were fantastic on the bus going and coming, and we were all shocked. Only three of them got sick on the way there, and no one did coming back, so that was a blessing. Unfortunately, the good behavior didn't last very long after we got there. The very next day was chaotic. The one thing I have learned with these children is that they can change at the drop of a dime. They can go from being absolutely angelic to giving me the impression that they're possessed.

The most traumatic experience of my life happened the second full day of camp. I was in my small group of about 13 children and they were coloring a picture of David and Goliath. Everything seemed to be going fine, a few little aguments erupting here and there about the crayons and who had some one else's color etc., but other than that things were pretty calm. I turned around to help someone with a crayon and in the blink of an eye everyone was screaming and Florin literally leaped across the table and started strangling Mihaly. I mean he was choking the life out of him. Johanna tried to pull Florin off of Mihaly and by the time she did, Mihaly had passed out on the floor and his eyes had rolled back in his head. All of the children were suddenly flocking around Mihaly and I couldn't get to him. They were all trying to help and bring him to, but his head was just flopping back and forth and I couldn't push through to get to him. I thought he was dead. I really did. I was so shocked I couldn't speak because I was just sure a child had died right in front of me because I couldn't get to him fast enough. It was absolutely awful. Finally Sebi somehow got a jug of water and poured it on Mihaly and he came back to us. I am so incredibly thankful that God spared him because I honestly don't know if I could have handled it if he had died. I just sat down and cried with Zsuzsika because I was so relieved and shocked at the same time. Florin was sent home that day, and as far as I know, Mihaly is okay. He seemed to have a few mini seizures afterwards where he twitched a little, and I think it's because the oxygen was coming back to his brain, but other than that he appeared to be fine for the rest of the camp.

Here are a couple of pictures of our week:
On the second day that we were at camp, during our morning devotions, Katie prayed that God would reveal to us His purpose for us at camp, and I wrestled with that all week. I know that last year God brought me to camp so that I could learn how to serve, but this year was so different. Katie and I came to Romania specifically for camp last year, but this year it was almost just an addition at the end. I had so many times during the beginning of the week where I was so angry at the children for their disobedience and destructive behavior, and it really bothered me that I took it so personally sometimes. I honestly think that this camp and really the entire summer for me have been a lesson in love and how little I actually know about it. I think in my last post I wrote about God's unfathomable love for us, and it seems almost prophetic now as I read it, because I struggled so much with that during the week at camp. I love these children so much, even when they are at their most unloveable. It took me time to realize that, because I had moments where I couldn't speak because I was so upset with them. But the more I began to think about it, when the children would deliberately do the opposite of what they were told I no longer took it personally. I came to the realization that we live our lives in direct opposition to God's will every day. So this entire week was like a mini analogy of God's love for us. Even at their worst, I adore my children. Even at my worst, God adores me. There is nothing redeemable about me, and yet I have been redeemed! I was so humbled after this realization during the week that I couldn't possibly be in a bad mood. My heart was so light - even when the children misbehaved, I couldn't help laughing about it - (sometimes it really was just funny to watch their mischevous minds at work, other times it was infuriating haha).

I think Katie and I both feel like we've been here for 8 years instead of eight weeks. Sometimes I believe I've aged and learned more about myself than I ever wanted to know. :)
I think there will be quite a bit of an adjustment once I get home - however, I don't want to dwell on that. I wouldn't trade what I know now for anything, and I know that I'm not on this journey alone - and that's a comforting thought.

Day 45-47: How deep the Father's love for us

Aunt Bonnie is here!! She got in Sunday night, but unfortunately, all of her bags did not get into this country with her. Her suitcase with all of her clothes and a few camp supplies was stuck somewhere in Atlanta. It is supposed to come this morning(Wednesday), so please keep praying for that as we are all a little anxious about it for her. We are all so happy that she's finally here though. Katie and I have been anticipating her arrival for so long, and already we have just had so much more fun with her here.

We leave for the gypsy camp tomorrow morning! This week so far, we have been working very hard organizing all of the supplies and clothes, and talking through the schedule and responsibilities. I am really getting excited for this camp - I think it's going to be fantastic. We saw the children last night at church in Apalina, and the excitement there was so high that we could feel it even before we got into the village where tons of children were waiting to meet us. They were pretty hyper and high strung last night, which was a little intimidating and VERY reminiscent of a couple of days at camp last year haha, but I think they will calm down after a day or two there. At least, I think some of them will.

Last night after we arrived in the village, I was greeting several of the children, and who should come walking down the street but my little angel of a child, Gyorgy. I think I told you about him a few weeks ago, he's about four years old - I posted a picture of the two of us. Attila had never met him before that night either, so I wasn't sure that I would see Gyorgy again because he lives way up on the hill on the outskirts of Apalina and I had no idea who his parents were or anything. But there he was with his mother and he got so excited when he saw me and ran over right into my arms. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was that he remembered me! He's just so precious, and he stayed by my side the entire time we were outside in the street. I picked him up and took him into the prayer meeting where he promptly fell asleep in my lap and snored the whole time. :D

One of the things about all of these children that is so endearing, is the way that they just cuddle up to you immediately after you meet them - and Gyorgy is no exception. After I picked him up, he just put his head on my shoulder and every once in awhile would hold my hand or put his arm around me. I don't think that child has ever had a bath haha, but I wouldn't have traded holding him for anything. I can't stop saying how much I adore all of the children in Apalina - they are so bad sometimes, but even when they're bad I can't help loving them. Sometimes it just gives me a chance to see their personality haha, but when you think about it, we are so unloveable as humans. We really have no redeemable qualities, but God loves us regardless of ourselves. He loves us because He is love. So even as mad as I get sometimes with my children here, as much as it disappoints me when they are disobedient(which believe me is quite frequent), I have this beautiful picture of God's love for us in the way that I love them. And I will never be able to love them the way that He does, and that is so comforting.

I am reminded of Orual in C.S. Lewis' book Until We Have Faces, and the way that she believes no one can possibly love Psyche as much as she does, how vastly wrong she is, and the way she is humbled at the end when she finally understands. Isn't it incredible how our love for each other here is just a broken piece of what love really is? That our understanding of intense love, even sacrificial love, is shallow compared to the love of our Father? This is one of my favorite hymns of all time because I think the words are just beautiful:

How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One, bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross, my sin upon his shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice, call out almong the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there, until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom,
But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom